Algorithm manages to be sweet, giving useful tips about my relationships – 06/06/2021 – Bia Braune

For a long time, I naively believed that he just stole all the data in our lives to hand over to international conglomerates, selling our souls to the Devil of capitalism in an unscrupulous way.

The scare, however, was discovering that this algorithm can be sweet and cute, giving really useful tips about my relationships. And I say more: about yours too. Where have you seen yourself? It is revolting.

I was rudely wrong in considering it an unintelligible computational sequence of zeros and ones, the kind that creates logical procedures to screw with us. And with the help of a partner, our cell phone. This mischievous and ungrateful piercing eye, kept in the well of colored capes in the shape of a pet.

Relentless, the algorithm knows what yours is. All the frailties swept under the rug, he goes there and scavengers. From the “hi, disappeared” sent at dawn to the prints for later repression. Also, forget about hiding the suffering playlist. You think you want to hear Brahms and Albinoni, but the algorithm offers what you really need, Marília Mendonça’s complete discography.

Saturday night, under the covers, in the company of undignified biscuit crumbs, who appears in your feed—happy and jowlless? The person who ended your life. What is the need for this? Didn’t the algorithm have a more handy kitten video? Where’s the alert with the promo for the lava and drought you so want to buy?

Like a pervert in an overcoat, lurking in a virtual alley, the algorithm re-displays its inglorious semi-nudes, justifying “a year ago, today”. It pushes “people you might know” and creates annoying alerts.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a friend who fought over politics or an ex-mother-in-law having a birthday. The moral lesson cursor blinks.

“Abstract, he didn’t even vote for Bolsonaro. You saw ‘Jaspion’ together” or “Congratulations, you loved her pudding”.

The moment of truth is in the block of hurt. You, firm in your decision, he puts on warm cloths. “He is sure?” Almost a “Don’t you want to rethink? You’re so headstrong.” Shhh, be quiet.

“Deal with you, huh? I am your algorithm, I know how it is.”

Damn, these are good arguments.

“Then don’t decide anything now. Wipe that tear away. Look there, the lava and dry entered the promo. There is still a voucher for ‘R$50’.” Thanks, algorithm. “Just stop eating cookies, eat right.”

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